Because I apparently have nothing better to do, I’ve been trying to perfect making cake bites (formally known as “cake balls”). I admit, I have been a little obsessed.

The original cake bites recipes instructs:

1) make a cake
2) crumble it up and mix it with frosting
3) form into mini-balls and chill
4) dip in melted chocolate
5) eat!

I feel like the cake bites I made, following this recipe, with red velvet cake and cream cheese frosting turned out too goopy and too sweet. So I set out to find something I liked better.

I read comments online by other people who made a cake and didn’t use any binder (i.e., frosting) at all. Their cake was moist enough to form into balls and dip. But I was still interested in adding some additional flavor to the cake mix. Whatever binder you use becomes a major flavor enhancer.

I bought a professional cake bite from a local bakery (one tiny cake bite for A DOLLAR!) and thought about its texture and flavor, and then I tried to make mine a little closer to it.

I ended up making another red velvet cake (from a mix), and this time instead of mixing it with cream cheese frosting, I mixed it with melted dipping chocolate. Maybe about 9 oz. or so. The chocolate flavor was terrific in the cake, but I thought the texture was still too moist and goopy.

So then I added some flour and cocoa (tiny bit), and maybe a smidge of powdered sugar, to firm it up some. I think the result is much better!

The cake bites have strong chocolate undertones and, while still moist, aren’t sticky or overly sweet. I dipped them in vanilla-flavored Guittard chocolate. The red velvet cake bites freeze really well, which makes them stay on a sucker stick really well. So I made some of them into cake pops.

I have to say, the one problem I still have with the red velvet cake bites is that sometimes the filling oozes out from the chocolate shell. Not sure how to fix that yet.

I also tried a new filling by taking a chocolate cake mix and, instead of baking the cake, mixing the dry cake mix with 8 oz. cream cheese (1/3 less fat), Nutella (we had a little left that was getting old), and some water (to get it moist). It tastes kind of like those cream cheese cookies you make with cake mix, if you’ve ever had those. These turned out great as cake bites. I think, anyway. I’m basing this on John’s opinion, as I only dipped a couple tonight and then left for an hour, and when I came back, both were missing. John said they were good, though.

I will be sending these home to my folks this week for Christmas. (Surprise ruined! Act surprised when you open the box, Mom.) Pictured here are brownie bites dipped in peanut butter candy melt and vanilla flavored dipping chocolate (green colored). The cake pop is red velvet cake dipped in the vanilla chocolate.

Lately I have found myself feeling wistful for days past. This week I was in the company of several young college students at a CPR course. I was the only college grad among them, probably about ten years their senior. As we waited for the instructor to begin, one girl looked around, bright-eyed, and cheerfully asked what we were all going into. I hadn’t heard that phrase, “going into,” for a long time. Ten years ago it was one of those things I’d hear a lot: “What’s your major?” “What’re you going into?” This time I had to laugh to myself because I’m not going into anything anymore. I’m there. I’m in it.

All these young people around me were on the brink of their adulthood. What an exciting time! What kind of life will you mold for yourself? What do you want to be when you grow up? That’s when you start to figure things out.

I looked at these girls and thought about what it was like to be where they are, living life a little more carefree than I do now. Life was less about others and more about me, then. I took care of myself and myself alone. My focus was school, my part-time job, being social, having fun when I wasn’t studying or in class or taking a test. I may have felt like I was overwhelmed with responsibility, but, looking back, I wasn’t. I was so free and didn’t know it. In some ways, I miss that time.

But as I kept looking at these students, I noticed I was the only one married. The ring on my finger has been there nine years. I remember being where these girls are and wanting so badly to meet The One I Would Marry, whoever he would be. I knew college was important, but I also knew I wanted a companion. I wanted to marry. I wanted a home and a family.

I have that now. I’m in a stable, married, eternal relationship and am building upon that sure foundation with children. I am loved like I never thought I could be loved. I love like I never thought I could love.

With these blessings comes a lot of heavy, adult responsibility. Sometimes I look at myself–with a husband, two kids, a mortgage, insurance payments, medical bills, grocery lists, laundry lists, dirty dishes, dirty toilets, dirty diapers, and all–and I say, “Am I really old enough for all this? When I did I become an adult?”

You’re hardly ever alone anymore, with kids. When you’re single, you don’t want to be alone forever. And then, once you’re not alone, you’re really not alone. You can’t even use the bathroom alone. If you try to, either the toddler sits outside whining and banging on the door, or he’s in the other room pulling books off the shelves or pushing toys under the stove or taking DVDs out of their cases.

Shopping used to be fun, when I could go to unwind and look at pretty things. Now it’s more of a strategic event, involving careful timing between naps and packing sufficient snacks, drinks, diapers, formula, bottles, backup bottles, toys, etc. And then it becomes an athletic event as you lug not only the kid supplies but the kids themselves through a store in a cart, stroller, baby carrier, or gripping them by the hand or balancing them on a hip–or maybe some combination of these. I don’t go anywhere with both kids unless the store offers carts, and I don’t buy food anywhere that doesn’t have a drive-through.

I used to have time to exercise, uninterrupted. Now I sometimes put my workout clothes on first thing in the morning and stay in them all day long, trying to grab a 20-60 minute period where both kids don’t need anything long enough for me to get something done. I guess it’s good news that the ACSM has found that 10-minute bursts of physical exercise is good enough if you can get several of those in a day. But it is frustrating, trying all day long to get that done and often failing.

I miss not being tired. I miss waking up because my body is ready to wake up, and not because the baby is crying or the toddler is awake next door and banging his bottle against the wall and jumping on the bed.

And, yes, the body isn’t the same after it has carried and borne new life. My feet are bigger. My tummy softer. My legs bumpier with varicose veins and more painful. My back is chronically sore from my last pregnancy, and I don’t fit into the clothes I wore a year ago.

And yet…

How can I say I’m not happy? How can I say I’m not the luckiest, most blessed gal on Earth, with what I have? Even while typing this I paused about eight times for the kids. I played with toys with Wesley. I fed Carissa. I changed both their diapers. I helped Wes brush his teeth. We said prayers together. I asked him for a big hug before bed, and he gave it to me.

When your three-year-old is burying his head in your neck and wrapping his arms around you for a long snuggle, or when your angelic twelve-pound baby is lying relaxed and warm and content in your lap just after a feeding, how can you not be grateful?

I may not feel like I’m old enough, wise enough, ready enough for all that adulthood and parenthood are, but I’m doing it. Sometimes I do miss what life was like before, the simplicity. But I am a life-giver and a life-keeper now. That, I suppose, is good enough.

Wes is 3, Carissa nearly 4 months.

So I stumbled on a couple of blogs that got me hooked on the idea of making cake pops. I had eaten a red velvet cake pop at a special event a few months ago, and it was instant addiction.

Basically, a cake pop is cake rolled in a ball, dipped in chocolate, and mounted on a stick. Oh, yumminess. And if you don’t dig the stick aspect, you can skip that and just make cake balls.

I’ve tried three different types of cake balls/pops so far: red velvet, oreo, and brownie.

Here’s what I’ve learned about these three types:

1. Duncan Hines makes a red velvet cake mix. Super easy to make. Also super messy! Red everywhere. Wes was helping me mix and got some batter on his arm. Later John saw Wes and thought he was bleeding!

2. I’ve not perfected the red velvet cake ball yet. The recipe says bake a red velvet cake, crumble it up, and stir in one 16 oz. canister of cream cheese frosting. I did that and I thought the mixture was too moist and too sweet. I could have maybe used 8 oz. instead of 16. The owner of the candy supply shop where I bought my dipping chocolate said that they teach their clients to make cake balls differently: Instead of mixing in frosting, mix in melted dipping chocolate. She said it makes the texture more brownie-like. I may try that next time. I was hoping to love the red velvet cake balls, but I didn’t.

3. To make Oreo balls, crumble a package of Oreos in the blender (or food processor if you’re fancy like that) and mix in an 8 oz. package of cream cheese (note: NOT frosting, like with the red velvet cake balls. Just cream cheese). This makes an Oreo truffle. Try not to eat it all.

4. The brownie balls were my favorite. I just made a pan of brownies and scooped out mini balls to dip into the chocolate. Easy. I have my neighbor to thank for that brilliant idea.

For the chocolate, I started with almond bark from the grocery store, and some milk chocolate flavored candy meant for dipping and candy making that I already had in my pantry. I visited a local cake/candy supply store for two more types of dipping chocolate: mint chocolate and peanut butter. These last two were Guittard brand, and they taste really good.

A few things I learned about the chocolate aspect of making cake balls:

1. Almond bark tastes like nothing. I’m going for white dipping chocolate next time.

2. The Oreo balls taste best with mint chocolate. The brownie balls taste best with anything. They were my favorite. The red velvet cake balls, while I wanted to like them, didn’t do it for me. I guess they were best with the milk chocolate, since I didn’t like the almond bark at all.

3. Before dipping in chocolate, it helps if the balls are firm. I used a cookie scoop (which I finally bought last month and am wondering how I didn’t own one before now. It’s the Best. Thing. Ever.) to make the balls, and then I stuck them in the freezer.

4. I used a toothpick to dip the balls into the chocolate, and a spoon to help cover the ball completely. I used a second toothpick to push the ball off the first one.

Here’s some milk chocolate flavored candy I’m about to melt (in the microwave: 1 minute at 50% power, stir, then zap in 10-15 second increments, stirring until melted).

Melted peanut butter flavored dipping chocolate:

Dipping an Oreo ball:

And the final product. Although I have seen many photos of beautific cake balls, mine are not among them. I guess making them look nice is an acquired skill. But they still taste good.

Because today has been a rough day, involving too little sleep, too much to do, a lot of nose wiping and possibly even some yelling, here are a few things I like about my two little kids.

WES

1. Wes has the best laugh when he’s being silly. He opens his mouth really wide and all you see is tongue and you can’t hep but laugh yourself. I love to make him laugh and smile. It is the best part of my job as mom.

2. He is so smart. He knows all his colors and can identify them verbally and by sign language. He knows his numbers and is learning how to count on his fingers. He is also learning the alphabet and likes the ABC song. I wish there was a song for numbers I could sing with him, too.

3. He loves music and has a knack for musical rhythms and beats. He makes up dances to the songs on his musical toys. Every dance is unique to the music, like marching to the march rhythm or twirling to the waltz. Most dances end with jumping.

4. I like to sing songs with him. He is rapt with attention and likes to do the finger plays that go with the words. A newer thing is that he’s starting to verbally sing along to (by repeating the sound of the last word of each phrase).

5. He is silly and loves physical play. He likes it when I say, “I’m gonna get you!” and he has to run away until I grab him and tickle him. He is a jumper and doesn’t need a trampoline for a good time; our floors, couches, and mattresses work fine.

6. Balls are one of his favorite things to play with. The mini basketball hoop is one of his most played-with toys.

7. He has a sensitive spirit. He doesn’t seem to understand discipline yet, but it always makes him tear up and get a pouty lip (which kills me every time). Afterward I ask him for a hug and he always gladly complies. Hugs are the best. He also is concerned when Carissa cries, if anyone on the TV appears to be in pain, or if you are sad yourself.

8. He has a habit of chewing on his fingers, so we’re always reminding him to “take your hand out of your mouth.” He’s started parenting Carissa now, too. When he sees her hand in her mouth, he’ll pull it out and say, “Ous!” (“Out!”)

9. He makes me smile every day.

Wes has lately been using Carissa’s binky.

Look at our new trash can! We finally canned our white trash can that we paid $1 for at the dollar store when we first go married eight years ago. I needed a trash can where the lid doesn’t fall off every time you touch it. And Wes touches it a lot.

Wes and my Dad eating lunch.

Me and Wes.

CARISSA

1. When she first wakes up in the morning she is all smiles. There is nothing better than being greeted by a wide, baby smile first things in the morning–especially when I’m always still tired from the night before.

2. Carissa is so alert and interested in the world around her. She watches Wes play and tries to twist around so she can follow him as he moves.

3. She is great to snuggle with. Babies are fun to hug.

4. I’m not sure if she’s officially laughing yet, but she sure makes giggly-type sounds that are so happy.

5. She is pretty calm all around, unless she’s tired our hungry, and then her cry becomes this dramatic sounding wail, as if the world is about to end if she doesn’t get her milk or sleep RIGHT NOW.

6. I love how after she’s done eating and sleepy her face and body are totally relaxed, and there’s usually milk slipping down her chin.

7. Carissa’s hair is still long and dark, but she has a bald spot on the back of her head. Which usually you can’t see. Her hair is mostly straight, but after a bath, when it’s damp, it’s curly.

8. I’m so impressed by how quickly she’s growing up. She talks a lot, cooing and making noise. She is so beautiful and I’m grateful she’s our baby.

Just after eating, just before bedtime.

Carissa’s curly hair after a bath.