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Jun '10

How to Tell If You’re Pregnant

1. Your husband picks a brownie crumb off the top of your tummy-table.

2. Your belly keeps bumping into the kitchen counter edges.

3. People can tell when you’ve been doing dishes because of the wet line across your shirt front.

4. When you’re sitting cross-legged on the floor and lean forward you can’t figure out what weird thing is touching your legs, until you look down and realize it’s YOU.

5. You’ve been pillow shopping at least once and now sleep with a pillow between your legs, another one under an arm, one or two under the head, and a spare pillow on the floor beside you, just in case.

6. Turning over at night is as complicated as a three-point turn: Shift from side to back; catch breath, then shift from back to other side; readjust pillows.

7. You get jealous when you see your husband asleep at night, lying on his stomach.

8. A worn path appears in your carpet leading from the side of your bed to the toilet.

9. You get your best reading or TV watching done between the hours of 2 and 4 in the morning.

10. When you try to tighten your abs nothing responds.

11. Sometimes you feel like your wardrobe choices are frump or super-frump.

12. You won’t turn down someone’s offer to help you up from a sitting position.

13. You see your belly button from a whole new angle.

14. You don’t see much below the belly button.

15. You wish your shower had a chair so you could shave your legs more effectively and without losing your balance.

16. The bathtub becomes your favorite new place to hang out.

17. You start looking at your existing kid(s) thinking they’re all grown up, and where did the time go?

18. You start eyeing up newborn sized onesies and sleepers with feet.

19. Your life becomes defined by the week instead of by the day.

20. Time has never gone so slowly, nor moved so fast.


2 Responses to “How to Tell If You’re Pregnant”

  1. tara72 Says:

    what a great comprehensive list. :) although my tummy gets wet at the sink even when I’m not pregnant (of course, maybe that’s saying something!).

  2. jemima35 Says:

    I’m 29 weeks pregnant now and trying to think of things to add to the list, how about checking you have done everything you need to before sitting down as you know its one hell of an effort to get back up again!

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