Lately I’ve been learning about good manners by watching other people.

That is to say, I’ve been learning what NOT to do. If you haven’t noticed already, there are a lot of excellent examples, probably even in your very own community, of bad manners.

Track Etiquette 101

Before entering a public four-lane indoor track, you should ask yourself, “Am I here to walk or jog with the express purpose of burning calories and feeling good?” If the answer is, “No, I’m here to look for this guy I have a crush on who’s playing intramural basketball in the center of the track and I want to stand in one or more of the walk/jog lanes reserved for walkers and joggers in order to search for him because he’s hot and I put on extra makeup just in case I saw him,” then you should STAY OFF THE TRACK.

Burp Etiquette 101

When walking down a public hallway (such as in an office) and you feel the urge to belch, you should hold it in until you are sure no one is walking toward you, especially not a gentle-mannered girl who finds burp fumes highly disgusting. If a burp escapes accidentally, do not–repeat, DO NOT–laugh like belching in a total stranger’s face, especially that of a nice, gentle-mannered girl, is the funniest thing since last week’s Saturday Night Live episode. Because IT’S NOT.

(Note: I want to make it clear that in this last example I, of course, would be the “gentle-mannered girl” and not the person burping fumes in someone else’s direction.)

Turning Signal Etiquette 101

Use it. Need I say more?