As impressed as I was that you took time to meticulously curl and set your long, dark hair prior to the BYU vs. CSU football game Saturday night, I did not appreciate the fact that you subjected me to full view of it for the entire first half as you stood on the bench seat in front of me, partially blocking my view of the field. Perhaps if you had been a true-blue Cougar fan I could have believed that you temporarily forgot the basics of stadium etiquitte as a result of the adrenaline pumping through your veins as you cheered the BYU team till you were blue yourself. But you weren’t. You weren’t even wearing blue (that’s right–blue jeans don’t count, and you should have saved your tight, red ribbed sweater for a game up north).

By the way, attending the game with a group of shirtless (and, I’m sorry to say, extremely unmuscular) freshman boys with BYU painted on their chests does not make you True Blue, especially when neither they nor you are in the seats assigned on your tickets. Here’s a little tip for husband-hunting: don’t hang with guys who argue with the people who say you’re in their seats and then argue again with security when they come to make you move over and then grumble for the rest of the game about how stupid everyone is. You may also want to try watching the game a little more instead of talking on your cell phone and posing in pictures with your friends. I mean, that IS why you stood on the bench seat in front of me, wasn’t it? To see the game? Or was it to show off your hair?

After you spent the entire second quarter discussing whether to go to your grandma’s, your friend’s, or the Creamery for ice cream, I’m pleased that you finally settled on the Creamery and opted to leave after half time to beat the crowd. I’m proud of you for making at least one responsible decision that night, and for opening up my view. It was a good game. Glad you missed it.

Sincerely,